Nowhere Fast

That's where I seem to be headed lately. I just don't understand why it has to be so hard all the time. Some people have all the luck it seems, I have been lucky also, just not as often as others. Sometimes, I guess you can't rely on luck or good fortune. Otherwise, we would have all won the lottery or invented velcro and got rich overnight. Things arent that easy and never will be it seems. I try to to the right thing and hope that it is going to get me somewhere. I guess I need to be more of an asshole sometimes and get what I want and not care if I hurt someone else, bc what seems to make more sense - going broke and hungry or being able to sleep at night? Thats a tough call, bc if you dont make money then you dont sleep in a bed - you sleep in a shelter or in a cardboard box. I swore that I would never be old and broke and now I just have to make sure I dont get old, bc I sure as hell am broke. Its hard when things dont go your way, however, you have to make it work. I have had many ups and downs in life and this is about as bad as it gets. I have been trying for a couple months to find a good job and allow myself to also do what I do now alongside, this has been a tough struggle. Nobody wants to hire you unless you have field specific experience. I have no real work experience outside of sales and thats limited there, albeit good success in the past. I just need to make this thing work in the best way possible and that may mean working 70 hours a week and on the weekends. If thats what it takes, I am going to do it. This is what I need to do and I dont care. Im tired of being like this worrying about all the dollars I spend and whether I can pay rent each month. Enough bithing, time to make it happen. I should hear back from Oce tomorrow or thursday. I can not wait to see if that is what I can do. I will put all my focus and attention to making that work. Til next time, when I hope to be in a better state of mind.